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TO: Jay
FROM: Santa Claus
RE: Presents requested for Christmas
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Dear Jay,
Ho-ho-ho. Ordinarily, I use this as a greeting, but in this case I am just laughing at the gift request list from AcuMax! Please remind your staff in the future that Santa knows if they’ve been naughty or nice and to ask them to adjust their lists accordingly! I would suggest that next year your staff should use the following checklist:
o I was nice all of the time last year
o I was nice some of the time last year
o Never mind, I’ll buy my own presents
In response to their specific gift requests for this year:
Movie DVDs
I am not providing the DVDs to Die Hard, Die Harder, Gremlins, etc. as requested because they are NOT Christmas movies. I will provide the DVD of Bad Santa as an alternate request for Melanie, but please tell Melanie that this movie is not a documentary.
BB Gun
I am not providing a Red Ryder BB gun to Wayne or Chris McCollum for the obvious reason that … they will put their eyes out! Instead, for Wayne, enclosed please find a pair of sunglasses that he can wear to protect those eyes in sunny California and for Chris so that he can see clearly to develop the new coaching aid Acu-Coach in 2020.
A Lamp
Continuing with The Christmas Story theme: I am not providing a full-size leg lamp to Cody for obvious reasons! And, Ed already has a full-size leg lamp (which was against my better judgment, sorry Lyn) and doesn’t need another one to get in more trouble.
A Restaurant Gift Card
I want to clarify to Chris Pauwels that the phrase: Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings … does not refer to an order of chicken wings and a side of fries. Nor do appetizers ordinarily come with fries. And fries do not come with more fries. And dessert does not include fries. I am providing, however, a Red Robin gift card to Chris for an order of their bottomless fries so he can ketchup a bit on his snacking over the holidays.
Jeannie
This is a rare case. Santa doesn’t always receive notes admitting that someone has been naughty. So, I am giving Jeannie extra credit for that. I would be more impressed however, if Jeannie didn’t follow it with the phrase – and it was worth it!
Happy Holidays from Everyone at AcuMax!
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