Strange AcuMax Encounters of the Weird Kind
Something momentous occurred last week but received virtually no media coverage. (We are informed that apparently, other things have been happening in the news). Last week, a spaceship landed outside AcuMax headquarters and the following conversation occurred between an extraterrestrial visitor and AcuMax Staff.Visitor: Gooogly hi pee put.
Jay: What did he say?
Chris: He said: Take me to your leader. Bring me to Area 51 to rest.
Wait. Wait. He is shaking his head “no”. That’s not right. Let me adjust the translator.
Ok, I was wrong. He said:
Bring me a 2 liter and take me to a rest area.
Apparently, the trip to earth was quite long and there are no 7-11’s along the way.
Visitor: Lolleddity snooped. [Pointing at Chris].
Jay: Which means?
Mel: That human (meaning Chris) is a strange character.
Ok, I think that he is right about Chris, but that is not what he is saying.
[ET is hitting his forehead with his palm]
Cody: I think he said:
I want to learn more about the characteristics of strange humans … like Chris.
All: Ohhhh. [Everyone but Chris nods].
Jay: Ok. That’s easy. Let’s give him the AcuMax Index and show him the reports.
Ed: There is a problem Jay. We have translations for 23 earth languages, but we don’t have the
Index translated into Neptunian. But maybe Wayne can help.
Jay: How can Wayne help?
Ed: Wayne speaks Southern Californian. That is very close to Neptunian.
Alien: Hoopity stupidity!
Ed: He agrees. But he does have a hard time understanding “Surfer Dude” speak.
All: [Everyone but Wayne nods].
Visitor: AcuMax politico, huh?
Jay: Yes, AcuMax can tell us quite a bit about people including our politicians. It can tell, for
example, if a politician is a High A or a Low A.
Visitor: Lackka lackka “A”, lotta lotta “A”, shoope?
Jay: I didn’t get that.
Jeannie: He is asking when you say politicians are High A’s or Low A’s – is the “A” an abbreviation for
another word that begins with the letter “A”, like for politicians on his planet?
Jay: I guess that is a universe universal so to speak. Probably shouldn’t take him to the nation’s
capitol. But if you are looking to hire a Galaxy Navigator, or a Dilithium Crystals’ Engineer or a
Chief Science Officer– we can identify the perfect match for those positions.
Visitor: Excellus! Coventicio Las Vegaso hotelo custumeo numero one-o now!
Jay: I have no idea what that means.
Chris: He said:
Good to know but gotta go.
He is off to Las Vegas
He likes to stay at the Venetian.
He said he wins the best alien costume contest at the Star Trek convention every year.
But might stop over in Alabama to abduct … I mean, pick up a few passengers along the way.
With that, the encounter was over. And Jay is left wondering ….
Maybe, I can kill two birds with one stone, I know Ed doesn’t mind traveling to do Workshop training so maybe ….
“Ed, pull up a Google Maps, what do you have mileage-wise for a trip to Neptune”?